Characteristics of a true "Maine-iac" include, but are not limited to the following ...
- When a roll of Duct tape and a can of flat black spray paint will get your car to pass inspection.
- When you know how to avoid all the traffic at the Fryeburg Fair by using the "Secret Entrance".
- When you have to replace your mailbox yearly because of the town plow.
- When know how to get from Cumberland to Fryeburg via the "Egypt Road".
- When you can remember when the "Egypt Road" was a dirt track through the woods.
- When you're supposed to dress up, you wear flannel with a tie.
- You know that Moody's Diner does NOT take credit cards!
- When the word "stove" refers to what you did to the right front fender of your truck after you've had a wicked bring-up on a rock.
- You actually miss the fifteen below zero mornings in winter (that have been eliminated by the greenhouse effect) because you enjoyed running or walking to work in the silent crystal stillness, punctuated by an idling car engine as the owner waited indoors for the car to warm up before his mad dash from warmth to warmth, and your lungs did not freeze; thank you very much for your concern.
- You've had arguments over the comparative quality of Fried Dough.
- When it snows four to six inches, you call it "a dusting."
- When there's too much "stuff" in your 2 "cah" garage to get either of your cars into it.
- When you know what a frappe is.
- When you know the smell of Woodsmens fly dope.
- When you eat supper at night and dinner at noon.
- Your neighbor's house was foreclosed after an unlucky 24 hour mini-cruise on the Scotia Prince.
- You don't understand why there aren't fried clam shacks elsewhere in the country.
- You know what an Irving is and the location of 15 of them.
- You knew all the flavors at Perry's Nut House.
- Your car is covered in yellow-green dust in May.
- You can drive the Augusta traffic circle without slowing down.
- You've hung out at a gravel pit.
- You think a mosquito could be a species of bird.
- You once skipped school and went to Bar Harbor, Old Orchard Beach or Reed State Park.
- Even your school cafeteria made good chowder.
- You've almost fallen asleep driving between Houlton and Presque Isle.
- You know how to pronounce Calais and Saco.
- You've made a meal out of a Jordan's red dye hot-dog, a bag of Humpty Dumpty potato chips and a can of soda.
- You've gone to a Grange bean supper.
- In high school, you (or a friend) packed Deering Ice Cream Cones.
- At least once in your life, a seagull pooped on your head.
- At least once in your life you've said, "It smells like the mill in here."
- There's a fruit and vegetable stand within 10 minutes of your house.
- You crave Italian sandwiches at least weekly.
- Your idea of a traffic jam is being the second car at the stoplight.
- You wonder out loud if the state can just close its borders to people from away.
- Your house converts to a B&B every July & August for people from away that you happen to know.
- All year long you're tracking sand in the house - from the beach in the summer and the roads and sidewalks in the winter.
- You have a front door but no porch to get to it.
- Your kids start using "wicked" as a multi-purpose part of speech.
- You have to have the sand cleaned out of your brake system every spring.
- You do the majority of your shopping out of Uncle Henry's.
- You've ditched the car on the side of the road somewhere because you thought you saw some good fiddleheads!
- You've had a vacation from school just to help the family pick potatoes.
- If you know a lobster pot is a trap, not a kettle.
- If you know not to plant tender crops until the last full moon in May.
- When you go to the dump and bring back more than you brought.
- You've ever given directions to someone from "away" and intentionally led them in the opposite direction they wanted to go.
- You watch "Murder she Wrote" and snicker at the stupid fake accents.
- You know how to find the rope swing at the quarry.
- You take the New Hampshire toll personally.
- You feel really, really good when you cross the Piscatiqua River Bridge into Kittery.
- You always wave when you see a Maine license plate in another state.
- You can recite Tim Sample jokes and your eyes light up at the phrase "Bert and I".
- You measure distance in hours.
- Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
- "Vacation" means going to the White Mountains for the weekend.
- You know several people who have hit moose more than once.
- You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
- You use a down comforter in the summer.
- Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
- You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
- You install security lights on your house and garage and leave them both unlocked.
- You think of the major food groups as: Moose Meat, Lobster, Fish and Berries.
- You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
- There are 4 empty cars running in the parking lot at the convenience store at any given time.
- You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- You know all 4 seasons: almost wintah, wintah, still wintah and construction.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
- You actually understand these jokes and share them with friends.
- See your submission here....
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