Ken was taking care of his baby sister while his parents were in town grocery shopping. He decided to go and do a little fishing, so he took her along. Later that evening, he complained to his mother. "I'm never going to do that again," he groaned. "I didn't catch a thing." "Oh, Kenny," his mother replied, "I'm sure that next time she'll be very quiet and won't scare the fish away." "It wasn't that," Ken explained. "Karen ate all the bait!"

Although fishing season hasn't opened and Jimmy has no license, the fisherman is casting for bass when a stranger approaches him and asks, "Having any sucess?" "This is a great spot. I took 15 out of Bunganut just yesterday," replies the fisherman. "Really now. Do you happen to have any idea who I am?" asks the stranger. "No, not really," the fisherman replies. "Well sir, meet the new Maine State Game Warden," he answers. "Oh, I see," says the fisherman with a gulp. "Do you know who I am?""Nope, can't say as I do," answers the game warden. "I'm Jimmy Nichols, the biggest liar in York County!" says the fisherman.

One summer in Lyman, no one had success catching fish. No one except this one man named Jaime. The game warden, an avid fisherman himself, tracked down Jaime and asked him how he did it. The man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day. Once they got to the middle of Bunganut Lake, Jaime took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion, fish started floating to the top of the water. Immediately the man took out a net and started picking up the fish. The game warden told him that this was illegal. The man pulled out another stick of dynamite, lit it and threw it at the game warden's feet. With that Jaime asked "Are you going to fish or waste time talking".

Norman's son, Ronnie, burst into the house, crying. His mother Claire asked him what the problem was. "Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a whopper of a smallmouth bass. Really big. While he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away." "Now come on, Ronnie," his mother replied, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about a lost fish. You should have just laughed it off." "But that's just what I did, mommy."

Jimmy Nichols was recently stopped by a Maine State game warden at Bunganut Lake while leaving with two buckets of fish. The game warden inquired, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" Jimmy replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish." "Pet fish?!" the warden replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for 20 minutes. When I whistle, they jump back into their buckets and I take them home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" So Jimmy looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Let me demonstrate for you. It really works." "O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious. The man poured the fish in to the lake, stood and waited quietly. After five minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" the man responded. "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted. "Call who back?" Jimmy asked. "The FISH." "What fish?" the man asked.

A Catholic priest, a Baptist minister and a rabbi are out fishing on a boat in the middle of the lake. The priest mentions that he has to heed the call of nature, stands up, steps over the side of the boat, and walks across the water to the shore. A few minutes later, he returns. An hour later, the minister gets up, mentions that he has to heed the call of nature, steps over the side of the boat and walks across the water to the short. A few minutes later, he returns. A short while later, the rabbi really has to heed the call of nature, but he's quite intimidated because he's never seen anyone walk on water the ways the priest and the minister did. But, he bravely stands up and steps over the side of the boat and...sinks! After the priest and the minister help the rabbi back into the boat, the priest says to the minister, "Do you think we should tell him where the rocks are?"

One afternoon Ricky was speeding along the highway. He felt secure since the rest of the traffic was travelling at the same speed. Passing a speed trap, he was nailed by an infrared speed detector and subsequently pulled over. The officer handed him the ticket and was starting to walk away when the driver said, "Officer, I may have been speeding, but this just doesn’t seem fair. There were lots of cars around me who were travelling just as fast. Why did 'I' get the ticket?" Turning towards him, the officer asked, "Have you ever gone fishing?" "Uhhhh, yeah," the driver replied. Grinning, the officer continued, "Ever catch 'all' the fish?"

Ken and Jimmy were fishing on a pier. Ken started telling the old one that the night before he caught a bass that was over 3 1/2 foot long. Jimmy replied "Oh yea, well I was here 2 nights ago and I hooked something huge. After a 45 minute fight I finaly got it up and it was an old lantern and the thing was still lit." Ken said "You're lying. I don't believe a word of your story." Then Jimmy said "I'll tell you what, you knock two feet off your smallmouth and I'll blow out my lantern."

Jeff Foxworthy's Top 10 Ways to identify a Redneck Fisherman
You might be a Redneck Fisherman, if...

10. You have more fish on your wall than pictures.
  9.  You're raising catfish in your bathtub.
  8.  Your wife has earrings that you use as fishing lures.
  7.  You've ever combed your hair with a fish scaler.
  6.  You video tape fishing shows.
  5.  You received a tube of crickets as a wedding present.
  4.  You keep bait in your refrigerater.
  3.  Your boat hasn't left your driveway in years.
  2.  You've used your fishing license as a form of I.D.
  1.  You have your picture taken with other people's fish!

For additional traits of Redneck Fishermen, click here!

Ken and Jay are talking about fishing. Jay says to the other, "I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!" "That bad, huh" "Karen did everything wrong! She did everything wrong! She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried to stand up in the boat, baited the hook wrong, used the wrong lures -- and WORST of all she caught more fish than me!"

Q: Why should fish be the smartest creatures on earth?
A: Because they spend their entire lives in school.

Two old boys from Georgia loved fishing and wanted to try ice fishing. When they heard about it up in Maine, they decided to go up there. Just before getting to the frozen lake, they stopped at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. "We're going to need an ice pick," one of them said. So, they got that and headed onto Bunganut Lake. After a several hours, one of them returned to the shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks." The fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but didn't. He sold him the ice picks and the old boy returned to the lake. An hour later, the old boy was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got." The man in the bait shop couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he inquired, "how are you boys doing?" "Not very well at all," replied the boy. "We don't even have the boat in the water yet."

Q: Where do fish store their precious valuables?
A: In the river bank.

"Do you really believe your husband Joe, when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Joyce's best friend Suzie. "Why shouldn't I?" Joyce replied. "Well, maybe he is having an affair?" "It's not possible; he returns every time without any fish!"

Q: One sunny day, two fathers and two sons went fishing . Each person caught one smallouth bass. When they arrived home, there were only three fish between them. Why?
A: The boy fished with his father and grandfather.

Q: How do you stop a fish from smelling?
A: Cut its nose off.

Q: If fish could live on dry land, then what area of the earth would be their preference?
A: Finland.

Q: What is the motto of the flyfisherman's wife?
A: "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach that same man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend!"

Q: What side of a fish has the most scales, the left or the right?
A: Neither; the most are found on the outside.

Q: Where do most fish bathe?
A: In the river basin.

Q: When is a fisherman lying?
A: When relating a story about a fish that's not in his possession.

Q: Why didn't Noah fish from the ark during the forty days of flooding?
A: Because he only had two worms!

Q: What are two kinds of fishermen?
A: Those that fish for sport and those that actually catch something.

Q: What are the richest fish in the world?
A: Goldfish

Q: What is the favorite monetary currency of fish?
A: Sand Dollars

Q: Why are you never hungry when fishing on the beach?
A: Because of the sand which is there.

One day, two co-workers named John and Bobby went fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they're fishing beside; Bobby takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by. John exclaims "Gee Bobby, I didn't know you had it in you"! Bobby then replies " It's the least I could do. After all I was married to her for 3 decades."